Monday, May 23, 2005

Drunken Saved by the Bell Haikus

What happens when you go to Las Vegas for a week and are completely drunk the whole time? Add to that that you're a minor and the arcades all close before midnight. You know what happens? You end up getting stuck in your hotel room from midnight until the next day. That inspires a lot of in-room drunken activities. One such activity is watching TV. I watched a lot of Saved by the Bell during those long drunken nights. The following is what came of heavy drinking mixed with Saved by the Bell reruns. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Saved by the Bell haikus:

Famous Zach Morris
Makes things go extremely wrong
Thanks, Saved by the Bell

Tough A.C. Slater
Jesse is a lesbian
Get it through your head

Screech is number one
Real bad case of jungle love
When will you be free

Highschool must be tough
Call Teen Line, you've had enough
Will Zach really win

Kelly or Nikki
Bayside High is in turmoil
All thanks to Teen Line

Teen Line falls apart
Lisa Turtle takes her place
Things work out, the end

Sitcom story line
Yet somehow still amusing
Grew up with the show

Saved by the damn Bell
How did the show last so long
Because it kicks ass

Kelly's 80's hair
What a fucking tease she was
What a fucking whore

Slater is a dick
Zach Morris is too damn smart
We all know who wins

Zach and Kelly K.
Want to up and drive away
Slater fucks it up

Slater has junk ride
Fixed up it could get Kelly
How will Zach react

Zach is your boyfriend
Stop being a fucking whore
You mean nothing bitch

Kelly camel toe
Jesse will soon be a ho
Show Girls was a bore

Floral pattern pants
Zach will never be beaten
Kelly will be his
(Written by myself and Joe)

There you have it. One drunken night in Las Vegas is responsible for these haikus. If you're a Saved by the Bell fan, you'll probably figure out what episodes inspired these haikus. I know the haiku syllable format, 5,7,5, and if any of the haikus aren't true haikus, I'm fucking sorry. I was drunk, in Las Vegas. It was like 4am when I wrote these. I could barely hold a pen. So give me a fucking break. Hell, I'm drunk now while I'm writing this. I'm going to Las Vegas in October when I graduate, this time, I'll be 21 so I'll be even more inebriated when Saved by the Bell comes on. Expect more haikus.

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neko said...

erm.. saved by the bell -- not international show. so.. i dunno what your talking about.

drunken stupor gibbering confuses me.

morbid misanthrope said...

neko -- I shall just say that Saved by the Bell was like Shakespeare for pre-teens from 1989 - 1993 and launched some of America's greatest stars. For example: Lark Voorhies, Dustin Diamond, Mario Lopez, Dennis Haskins, and Elizabeth Berkley.