Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Caller: Knock, knock.
Operator: (confused) Who’s there?
Caller: I just found out that my ex-girlfriend is marrying a guy she met at work while she and I were still together. She’s moving out of state and taking our dog with her.
Operator: Sir, do I need to send an ambulance?
Caller: A coroner, please.
Operator: Sir, please don’t do anything rash. What is your address?