Friday, December 09, 2005

Don’t Fuck with People Trying to Drink

The other night around 10:30 p.m., some thugs thought they’d make some easy money robbing a pub. Mostly, these three assholes were no strangers to law-breaking. In fact, two of them – aged 21 and 27 – were parolees. The other culprit, a shit-bag in training, was only 14. By the way, he was the one carrying the gun.

These three genital warts on society’s collective nutsack marched into the pub whereupon the gun-toting 14-year-old – we’ll call him Pud – pointed his gun at the patrons, and made his way behind the bar where he demanded money.

Thankfully, and much to the surprise of Pud, an off-duty employee snuck up, put Pud in a headlock, and took the gun away from him. I’m sure the other two crooks – Fucknut and Dickbrain – were pretty shocked too; especially when some of the pub customers got up and attacked them. They don’t call alcohol “liquid courage” for nothing. Also, I’m sure the pub-goers were pissed that some stupid fuckwits were on the verge of screwing with the sanctity of their local watering hole.

The feisty pub patrons managed to subdue the would-be robbers until the police showed up a few minutes later. So riled up were the sauced bar warriors, that the first officers on the scene requested backup because “the patrons are out of control.” Eventually, when more officers arrived, the patrons calmed down and the three criminals – Pud, Fucknut, and Dickbrain – were taken into custody.

This, I believe, is justice at its finest. A few beer-swilling locals saw that their pub was in danger and saved the day. While many crooks are able to get away with their illegal activities, these fine citizens put their foot down and kicked some ass. Recently, a bank was robbed in close proximity to the Blarney Stone Pub. As far as I know, the culprit was never apprehended. In the parking lot, a few hundred feet away from the pub, and old woman’s wallet was stolen. To my knowledge, the scumbag that ripped her off was never apprehended. If not for the brave actions of the patrons of the little Irish pub that could, some other jerk asses would have gotten away with breaking the law again.

It’s like Edmund Burke said, “evil prevails when good men do nothing.” In this case, the good men happened to be pub patrons not willing to take shit from criminal assbags.

16 comments:

just thinking said...

Great story !

morbid misanthrope said...

just thinking - The Blarney Stone Pub is pretty close to my house. I wish I would have been there that night.

badgerbob said...

Looks like pud may get some time to rethink,"should I pull my gun, or should I pull my pud"??

Save Tookie!












Not!!!

morbid misanthrope said...

badgerbob - Pud is enormously lucky that he's only 14, elsewise he'd be heading to jail where forced prison cornholing would destroy his cornwalls.

Fry tookie!







Seriously.

just thinking said...

lol... there's a pub close to my house... walking distance actually...



The Bear's Breath ;))

drunkbh said...

That's great. I'd like to think this would happen at my bank if we ever got robbed. Unfortunatly, all of our customers are in their 90s. They wouldn't even be aware of it if we got robbed.

Hulabelly said...

Sounds like a rockin place! I love a good pub!

morbid misanthrope said...

just thinking - The Blarney Stone Pub is within walking distance from my house. But I'm such an indoor kid I've never even been there.

drunkbh - Old folks might surprise you. I remember once this young punk tried to steal this old lady's purse, and she jumping-back-kicked his ass through a store window. Oh, nevermind; that was Chuck Norris.

hulabelly - I love a good pub too. I also love so-so pubs and shitty pubs. I can't help it, I'm an alcoholic.

Victor said...

lol its like trying to steal alcohol from an alcoholic, you have a better shot at wrestling with a 800lb gorilla.

morbid misanthrope said...

rude - I'd totally pwn any 800+ pound gorilla that tried to take my booze.

Victor said...

LMAO i havent seen that term used, (not bashing you) i just think people should just pwn more often. As far as wrestling an 800 lb gorrilla idk man, imagine if the fucker mistakes your penis for a banana and tries to jank it out. OUCH

just thinking said...

Morb--- serious, it's worth the walk... You can drink along the way you know..

J Holden said...

extraordinarily well-said, morbid

where do these crap-bags come from and what in hell do they think gives them the right to steal other people's shit??

as you know, my dad's store got broken into and about 10 grand worth of stuff stolen

they think they've caught the guy who did it but not sure about any of the product

morbid misanthrope said...

rude - I've been watching too much G4 and all the gaming lingo is starting to get to me. No gorilla could get through my adamantium chastity belt.

just thinking - You're right. I could drink while I walk to the pub. But since that requires more effort than just laying on the floor, I think I'll just stay home as usual.

j holden - Again, sorry about your father's store. I hope things work out and the person/people responsible gets/get castrated with a disposable, plastic spork...or arrested and furiously raped in prison. "Vengeance is mine," saith T-Shawn in Cellblock C.

honkeie2 said...

Proves that ppl need to be drunk more often. Beer muscles could save the day better than a scum bag in thights and cape could!

morbid misanthrope said...

honkeie2 - Alcohol is directly responsible for the best things that have ever happened to me. Well, actually alcohol just helps me forget all the terrible shit that's happened to me. Either way, I don't know where I'd be without it...hell, because of it, I don't know where I am now.