More of the Same: Outrage in the Muslim Community
By Max Bojo, Associated Press
Not long ago, more controversy erupted as a group of Muslims were not permitted on an international flight because they were late. The Muslims, as they are prone to doing, claimed they were kept off the flight due to religious discrimination.
“It’s another clear-cut case of attempting to ‘fly while Muslim.’ Well I’ll tell you something: I’m furious! This discrimination makes me so mad I could cut the heads off the airline infidels, shove bombs down their necks, and praise Allah as they are blown to bits!” said one of the grounded Muslims shortly before he popped Islamic wood and ran around in circles screaming “Allahu Akbar.”
Although Muslims and Muslim groups everywhere are crying foul, airline officials insist that they were just following airline protocol for late passengers attempting to board an international flight. We spoke to one of the airline officials present when the incident occurred. He wished to remain anonymous.
“It’s a very simple matter. We require all passengers of international flights to be present one hour before takeoff. These Muslim jokers showed up, like, twenty minutes before takeoff demanding to be let on board before anyone even told them they were late. It was like they showed up outraged. Then they start bitching about discrimination. God, it was incessant. They didn’t let up for one second, even when I pointed to a couple of drunken businessmen who weren’t allowed on the plane either. They never said why they were late, but I think it was because it took them longer than they planned to sneak their bombs through security. Wait! I didn’t say that! Shit….”
Due to pressure from such Muslim groups as CAIR (Crazy Arabs Inciting Riots), the airline has since issued an apology and caved in to Muslim demands. Not only will the grounded Muslims fly free for a year, but several airline employees will have to lick a sacred Islamic camel’s nuts in order to make their tongues halal so they can speak to Muslims without insulting them. CAIR founder Bosama bin Baden is encouraged by this victory and is urging Muslims everywhere to fight discrimination the same way the grounded Muslims did. Needless to say, Muslims everywhere are now brutally fighting discrimination.
In Palo Alto, California, Abu Hibjab sued a McDonald’s for discrimination after employees refused to serve him breakfast at 3:23 pm. The court awarded him 3.6 million dollars. When asked what he was going to do with his winnings, he said “I’m going to flight school!”
A group of Muslims in North Carolina are suing Home Depot for discrimination because when they attempted to enter the store well after midnight, they were kept outside by locked doors.
“The lights were off and the doors were locked. It’s obvious the store’s employees saw us coming and closed because we were Muslims!” said alleged discrimination victim Tariq al Karzai. “All we wanted was a few bags of fertilizer, some gasoline, maybe a few gallons of pesticide, and some propane, but those bigots kept us out. I think we will be vindicated in court. Praise Allah for the American legal system.”
All over the country Muslims are now actively and relentlessly fighting discrimination no matter how imaginary it may be. From the Muslim in Texas suing his cell phone company for charging him more during peak hours to the Imam in Maine suing his cable provider for charging him for pay-per-view porn, American Muslims will no longer be discriminated against.