Monday, May 23, 2005

I rest my case

On my site I've bashed the Catholic Church. I've criticised John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, and Michael Moore. I wrote something called "Buddha buttfucked upsidedown." I used the word "Islamofucks." I wrote of my hatred for Nirvana and a slew of other shitty bands. I've bashed the gays and the goths. I've been irreverent, rude, and vulgar. All of this, and it hasn't pissed off anyone enough for them to leave an angry message in my guestbook. Then I bashed a shitty TV show on Adult Swim and I got hate mail. Who would have thought that out of all the shit I've written about on this site, the people I would piss off the most are fans of a homoerotic cartoon show. Here's how I kicked the proverbial hornet's nest.

I often post on the Adult Swim message boards. I'll never understand why I even bother, because most of the other people posting are pain in the ass message board nazis who spend the majority of their time bitching about people posting in the wrong place. Anyway, I got tired of typing up the same responses to "Why do you hate TGTTM" threads, so I took some time to write about how much I hate the show on this site. That way, I could just post a link instead of typing my usual responses. I'm busy, excuse the fuck out of me for managing my time effectively.

As you well know (if you read TGTTM is a pile of crap)I hate the vile show Tom goes to the Mayor, and it's pain in the ass fans on the message boards. I always knew the fans of TGTTM were morons, now the proof is in my guestbook. After people read my piece on TGTTM, I was bombarded with 20-some nearly incoherent messages from enraged, foaming-at-the-mouth TGTTM fans who hate what I wrote. As intelligent as the fans of TGTTM claim to be, I assumed their responses would have been more interesting, more clever, and at the very least, free of typos. These are some of the worst attempts at insulting me I've ever read. It's pathetic. Hell, it's barely readable. Let's look at a few of these guestbook entries.

Name: DIE
E-mail:
Url:
Comments:DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIDIEDIEIDDEIE
Ok...not the most creative response but I get the picture. Pretty good until you forgot how to spell "DIE" near the end. Also, when someone writes "DIE" a bunch of times in a row, I get that he's upset. Using all caps was really unnecessary. Idiot.

Name: Wow
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: D0 y0u play Wow cuz y0u ar3 s0 1337! AND TGTTM IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME! SCREW YOU!
Wow, that was barely English. I'm judging from your net lingo, you're probably a 13 year old girl. Because if you were male and any older, you would realize that using zeros as O's isn't that clever.

Name: TGTTM SUCKS
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: YOUR AN IDIOT! FUCK YOU! (x11)
This fellow must have figured writing in all caps didn't look angry enough so he repeated the same two sentences like, eleven times. You'd think that at least one of the times he would have realized he was using the possessive "YOUR" and not the contraction "You're" (you are). Lots of TGTTM fans seem to have a difficult time using the right word. I thought the reason I didn't like the show was because I wasn't smart enough to get it. Well, I know the difference between "Your" and "You're" so I'm already looking smarter than you peons.

Name: Meatloaf
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: Do you like meatloaf? O wait...Your more of a sausage guy...
What the fuck kind of moron writes something like this? Oh yeah, a TGTTM fan. Note the "your" typo again. Maybe lacking a basic understanding of the English language is a prerequisite for enjoying TGTTM. I also find it interesting that someone who loves a show that is essentially one big gay dry hump, is trying to insult me by insinuating, with a staggeringly brilliant and original metaphor by the way, that I'm gay. Well, I'm not gay, because if I was, I would probably be watching TGTTM right now.

Name: ITotallyAgree
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: YEAH RIGHT! YOUR AN ASS!
Note the standard typo, and use of capital letters. If these insults really came from different people, then TGTTM fans are dumber than I ever imagined. I swear, the same stupid wingnut probably wrote most of these.

Name: Poop
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: *raises middle finger* go away
Great. Now I've got mentally challenged kids coming to my site and flipping me the digital bird. I just hope your helmet strap isn't cutting off the oxygen to your very feeble brain.

Name: O_o
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: You have no life at all if all you do is write about shows you DONT like...and use immature language and talk like ur a 9 year old crack smoking thug...fuckin loser
Yeah, I'm the immature nine year old, yet you're the one spelling "you're" ur. Probably another teenage girl. Besides, I don't only write about shows I hate, I also write about stupid little Jr. Highschool dropouts who send me poorly written hate mail and suck off their boyfriends in the alley behind the liquor store. (Sure that last part might have been a bit immature but, ZING!)

Name: YOUSUCK
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: I do your mom
Sorry, but I must doubt the veracity of that statement because my mom never lets people lacking the intelligence of a hubcap fuck her. Your mom on the other hand...I'll just say this: It truly takes a woman of questionable morals to so frequently have sex with transients in her son's bed while he's at school. Wash your sheets dude, because hobo nutsack has been all over them...and your mom.

Name: TGTTM
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: FUCK YOU
You assholes aren't even trying any more are you?

Name: REEM
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: OHH NO NOT AGAIN YOUR A DOUCHBAG THAT NEEDS TO HAVE COX SHUVED UP UR ASS....OHH SORRY LOL THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN DUN TO YA OHH BY YOUR DADDY WTF YOU MUST BE SO BORED TO HAVE TO DO THIS YOU FUCKING LOZER MOTHER FUCKING DICK FACE DOUCH BAG AND UR PROB GONA BE LIKE O
This is one of the saddest things I've ever seen. This poor soul is so uneducated and illiterate that he can barely write a complete sentence. Yet, he hates me so much, he was more than willing to look like a complate moron just to try to defend his only friend: A homoerotic, poorly-animated pile of crap known as TGTTM. This guy is so dumb, I almost want to set up a charity to raise money to help him learn to read and write. Plus he posted this with slight variations like six times so he's also too stupid to operate a computer. Poor bastard.

Name: SexyLady069
E-mail:
Url:
Comments:DID I MENTION YOU HAVE NO DICK? I rate your TGTTM review a *raises middle finger*
I shouldn't expect much from someone calling herself SexyLady069. She's probably a fat gothic chick. No you didn't mention I have no dick because that was the first fucking thing you wrote you imbecile. You don't start hatemail with "Did I mention" when you've never said anything to that person before. She then posted the same thing again under the name Zynx. Where the fuck are you people coming from? I hope you realize how stupid all of you look, and what a great job you're doing to disprove the theory that one must be of exceptional intelligence to understand the humor in TGTTM.

Name:
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: :P eat shit and die
Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone suggested I do this. You TGTTM fans are a lot more civil on the Adult Swim message boards. Normally, you give people a hard time for swearing. I guess you're all just a bunch of pussies afraid to get banned by some stupid SwimMod. You're all pathetic.

Name: Zynx
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: ZYNX HATES YOU HOW OLD ARE YOU...8? DOES YOUR MOMMY KNOW YOU CUSS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT A DICK IS...CAUSE YOU NEED TO GROW ONE IF YOU DON'T LIKE TGTTM...DONT WATCH IT AND LEAVE MORE SHOW FOR US DID I MENTION YOU HAVE NO DICK?
Here we go again with a caps lock retard who doesn't have the time to use punctuation. Zynx, or SexyLady069, seems to share a common characteristic with the rest of the TGTTM fans. An overwhelming obsession with dick.

Name: Ravenne
E-mail: oh well
Url: :p
Comments:Loser! How can you hate tom? Eat shit and die!
See, this is the kind of shit question I was getting on the Adult Swim message boards that led me to write about why I hate TGTTM-so I wouldn't have to keep typing the same answer when some retard asked the same question for the hundreth time. You people are telling me I have too much free time on my hands but in reality, I was conserving time and energy. Do none of you possess even the scantest shred of common sense and logic required to function like a normal human being?

Name: ThirstyPairOfPants
E-mail:youwish@yousuck.com
Url: http://www.yousuck.com/
Comments: HEY YOU DUMB BITCH SINCE YOU FUCKING CAME TO OUR BOARDS AND IMD US HOW ABOUT I COME TO YOUR SITE AND SIGN YOUR GUESTBOOK OUT OF PITY! ITS GREAT ISNT IT YOU PRICK ITS FUNNY TO A TV SHOW THAT YOU HATES BECAUSE THAT ME
1.) They're not your boards exclusively. I signed up long ago and that makes me a member of the Adult Swim message board community. I belong there as much as you do if not more because I've been watching Adult Swim since it first aired and you probably started watching it a little before TGTTM aired. In which case, fuck you newbie. 2.) Unless you're using IMD as the abbreviation for intermodulation distortion, which I doubt because you're a moron, I have to assume you meant to type IM'd as in instant message. I didn't instant message anyone you twat. I responded to a thread on a message board. The threads concerned TGTTM and what people thought about it. I simply answered. 3.) You didn't come to my site and sign the guestbook out of pity, you came here and signed the guestbook because you were pissed off. It was out of rage not pity so fuck off. I never asked you to sign shit, I was just tired of typing the same responses to stupid questions all the time so I just put up a link. 4.) I didn't build an entire I hate TGTTM site you simpleton. It is simply a small article that I put up on my overall page. Seriously, do you know nothing about the internet? Don't you think before you make an ass of yourself? Apparently not. Why don't you do yourself a favor and slit your wrists in the bathtub.

Name:
E-mail:
Url:
Comments: im not pissed. im amused by what a faggot you seem like and you really need a life.
You're probably amused by the sound your genitals make when you slap them on tiny animals in the park too. Fuck you, you're no better than the rest of these rejects just because you didn't type in all caps.

So what have we learned folks? You don't have to be extra smart to get the "humor" in TGTTM, because as we've seen here, none of the fans that responded were of above average intelligence. In fact, most were abnormally stupid. I think that says a lot.

Your arguments were nonexistent, your insults were pathetic, your spelling and grammar was atrocious, and you've proven youselves to be mental midgets. You lose ass clowns, and I shall continue to advance anti-TGTTM sentiment on the Adult Swim message boards (whenever I bother going on).

It also occured to me that not one of you left any credible contact information in my guestbook. What are you pussies afraid of? Maybe I'll send you an angry e-mail? Pathetic. Why don't you stay offline and continue masturbating to TGTTM. I bet it gives you a special, tingly feeling whenever the Mayor says something stupid.

P.S. Hey fuckbags, did you bother reading the guestbook information? By signing my guestbook, you've given me legal ownership of your souls. Usually I sell them to Satan wholesale, but I will probably find something worse to do with your useless souls.

UPDATE: I've been banned from the adult swim message boards. I guess someone complained. Adult Swim's message boards suck anyway. It's supposed to be ADULT swim yet they even censor the word suck. Everything you type is censored and if someone doesn't like what you have to say they ban you. What a bunch of fascist bullshit. Adult Swim is essentially dead to me.

New shows like TGTTM suck and make Adult Swim barely worth watching. Plus, as I've already written and proved, the new fans are stupid losers. If I wanted, I could just re-register with a different screen name but the boards aren't worth my time. If I wanted to waste some time talking to brain dead idiots who will never listen to another person's point of view I'd go hang out with some Democrats(rimshot).

I'm still going to watch the good shows on Adult Swim such as Home Movies, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Venture Brothers etc. Some of the anime is ok too (Full Metal Alchemist, Ghost in the Shell, and Samurai Champloo). But I am no longer the loyal Adult Swim fan and viewer that I used to be; not because I'm upset I got banned mind you, the shit just sucks now. Adult Swim, you're now officially on my shit list.

2 comments:

neko said...

no fair using intelligence against these people!

i'm only watching samurai champloo now.. it's brilliant. got full metal alchemist off some varsity student last year. also, brilliant. i have some episodes of GITS..

why are you bitching, morb? at least you don't have to do some questionable deeds to get your eyes on some good anime..

everything i got to see, was by begging, borrowing, bribing, etc..

morbid misanthrope said...

neko -- I usually prefer brute force to intelligence, but it doesn't work so well over the internet.

I've done questionable things to get decent anime. Well, kicking a male Sailor Moon impersonator in the teeth to get a Berzerk DVD isn't really questionable. It wasn't really necessary either, but it was pretty funny.