Monday, November 14, 2005

The Devil's Rejects: An Immature Review

I didn’t see this movie in theaters for two reasons: 1.) I hate leaving my house and 2.) I was permanently banned from the local movie theater for punching out the six year old girl that spilled her slurpee on my leg. I kicked her Grandfather’s ass too, but that was in the parking lot.

Anyway, House of 1000 Corpses was killer so I was pretty sure The Devil’s Rejects was going to kick ass too. As usual, I was right. The movie kicked ass. Whereas House of 1000 Corpses was pretty much a rip off of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (minus one fat cripple in a wheelchair), The Devil’s Rejects was more original yet still somewhat reminiscent of The Last House on the Left

The movie was really violent, full of profanity, and Otis was rocking a sweet beard.

Also, E. G. Daily – the voice of Tommy from The Rugrats – played a filthy hooker in the film. I’m not sure if that’s cool or kind of weird but to her credit, she was a really convincing whore. Even Brian Posehn was in the movie and he had a sweet beard too.

Captain Spaulding was kicking ass as usual. At one point he carjacks this lady and her kid. There’s nothing quite like watching a psycho clown punch out some kid’s mom. Then, he gets in the car and the little kid is all scared.

Spaulding: “What's the matter, kid? Don't ya like clowns?”
Kid: Shakes head crying like a wuss.
Spaulding: “Why? Don't we make ya laugh? Aren't we fuckin' funny? You best come up with an answer, cos I'm gonna come back here and check on you and your momma and if you ain't got a reason why you hate clowns, I'm gonna kill your whole fucking family.”

Yes! That part kicked ass!

Even though Otis and Captain Spaulding are crazy and kill a bunch of people, this guy is even crazier.

He’s the sheriff and his brother, also a sheriff, was killed in the first movie. So now he’s all obsessed with killing the devil’s rejects. He starts out being pretty normal, but then he snaps and goes so mental even Otis probably peed a little when he was nailed to a chair and the sheriff was ranting. You have to be a hard ass to say shit like “I'm going to kill you and drink your fucking blood!”

The Devil’s Rejects kicked ass. Just make sure you see the unrated version. Unless you’re a wussy, in which case, watch the censored version so you don’t get nightmares.


badgerbob said...

Your scathing commentary, has compelled me to see this movie.

morbid misanthrope said...

badgerbob - Sweet! My subliminal messages are working.

Willow said...

Your scathing commentary, has compelled me NOT to see this movie.

Victor said...

LOl you should have made the girl lick it off J/K good going.
I havent seen this movie because i just forgot, however they forgot to cast you and me for main roles morbid. Or i can just play an assasin whos bent on shaving peoples beards off lol.

morbid misanthrope said...

willow - After all the cool stuff I said about this flick you don't want to see it? What are you? Some kind of girl?

rude - While I wasn't actually in the movie, it was loosely based on the time I drank too much Everclear and killed a bunch of people at the Pick 'n Save.

Shaving off people's beards is a truly evil thing to do. I guess that's why it's so funny.

Willow said...

Unfortunately a movie that contains corpses, violence, profanity and a sweet beard breaks me out from behind my mask of normalcy and instills in me the need to rant and rave like a lunatic and the desire to kill anyone who speaks to me, stands close to me, touches me, or stares at me. So to avoid all the guilt, shame, court appearances and fines...I just stay home.

I also despise clowns and think that they're evil bastards.

morbid misanthrope said...

willow - "...the need to rant and rave like a lunatic and the desire to kill anyone who speaks to me, stands close to me, touches me, or stares at me."

I feel like that all the time. Come over to the dark side. And not that sissy Star Wars dark side, the badass dark side where I live and drink heavily.

Clowns are evil bastards. That's why they're funny.

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