Blabbermouth.net recently reported that a woman in Norway was attacked by an enraged neighbor wielding a spear.
In May, a female student was having a hard time studying for an upcoming exam due to a neighbor’s blaring metal music. I’m not sure what band the guy was blasting, but because they rule, I’m just going to say he was listening to In Aeternum.
Anyway, she decided to go over to the guy’s place and bitch at him until he turned the music down. Well, I bet she just about shit her knickers when the guy responded by grabbing a nearby spear. There were no direct quotes from anyone involved included in the Blabbermouth.net article, so any direct quotes refer to what I heard in my head when I pictured this incident.
The spear-brandishing metalhead then growled, “By Odin’s nut-sack! You have no right to address the mighty Olaf and his magical spear, Ansgar!” At this point, the shocked and terrified female student screamed “Fuck me with a frozen turnip,” and took off running like a naked lesbian at an erection parade.
Of course, Olaf chased after her, cutting her finger with the spear in the process. Fortunately for the mildly wounded lady, she was able to get into her room and lock the door before Olaf could do any more damage.
The police arrived on the scene and found Olaf sitting on the steps still holding his spear. For fuck’s sake Olaf, haven’t you ever heard of getting rid of evidence? I guess, however, it would be somewhat difficult to effectively get rid of a spear by chucking it into some bushes. At this point things get interesting (or continue being interesting, really). Good ol’ Olaf can’t go quietly. According to the Blabbermouth.net article the police were forced to use a police dog, clubs, and pepper spray to disarm and subdue the maniacal metalhead.
Since then, our friend Olaf has been sentenced to forty-two days in prison. He has also attributed, at least in part, the eighteen beers he drank to his violent behavior. I wonder if he was drinking the beer out of the hollow skulls of his vanquished foes.
Frankly, I’m surprised Olaf’s weapon of choice was a spear. I kind of figured he would have had a spiked club or a battleaxe. Also, I kind of picture him wearing a Viking helmet and a large Mjolner necklace.