Restraining Order: an order of a specified duration issued after a hearing attended by all parties that is intended to protect one individual from violence, abuse, harassment, or stalking by another esp. by prohibiting or restricting access or proximity to the protected party.
Everyone knows what a restraining order is for. It’s what you get when your ex-husband follows you home from work every day, jerks off in your rose bushes, and threatens to slit you from cunt to cleavage if you don’t come back to him. Or, say, if a crazy stripper you’ve never seen in your life claims to be pregnant with your baby – who she also claims to be the antichrist – and leaves dead sacrificial gophers on your doorstep next to the newspaper every morning. These are two situations that call for a restraining order (or a gun and lots of ammo if you ask me).
But what if you’re just some crazy bitch from Santa Fe, New Mexico claiming that a late night talk show host in New York is sending you secret messages through the TV? Well, duh! Get a restraining order! Why the fuck not? It seems like the judicial process is shit on every day anyway (don’t get me started on Saddam Hussein’s trial).
Colleen Nestler filed a request for a restraining order against David Letterman who she claims forced her to go bankrupt and caused her “mental cruelty” and “sleep deprivation” since 1994. She claims Letterman used code words, gestures, and “eye expressions” to convey his desires for her.
Nestler says that when Letterman said “Marry me, Oprah” in a teaser for his show, he was really asking her to marry him – in code, apparently. This is only one of many secret codes etc. that Letterman used in an attempt to lure her to New York.
Yeah well, I’m sending Nestler a secret telepathic message right now. For those of you sane people out there who can’t hear imaginary telepathic messages sent from people you’ve never even met, the message I’m sending to Nestler is “Get bent, psycho.”
The worst thing about this whole situation is a state judge actually issued this crack-pot a temporary restraining order.
Temporary Restraining Order: an order of brief duration that is issued ex parte to protect the plaintiff's rights from immediate and irreparable injury by preserving a situation or preventing an act until a hearing for a preliminary injunction can be held.
What the fuck? Who the hell are these assbag judges? Any judge that would issue a kook like Nestler a temporary restraining order needs to be under psychological evaluation. For fuck’s sake! I bet that judge wears pasties and clown pants under his robes because he is certainly not right in the head.
If I were a judge – and damnit, I should be – I would have laughed her bitch ass out of my courtroom, had her smacked around for wasting my time, and then had her committed for being an obvious screwball. She needs to be heavily medicated, and possibly subjected to electro-shock therapy to zap the crazy out of her.
Shit, she’s a borderline stalker. One day she could decide to emerge from her apartment, which is probably full of old newspapers and cat piss, drive her pinto from New Mexico to New York, and attack David Letterman with knitting needles or an ice pick. That’s certainly a more likely scenario than Letterman actually sending her secret messages through the TV.
Plus, she’s been putting up with these secret messages and shit since the early 1990’s. What did Letterman do recently to make her so upset she just now filed for a restraining order? No one knows because she didn’t mention that in the paperwork. And what good would a restraining order do anyway? Letterman is supposedly destroying her life through the TV, not sneaking into her house at night, moving furniture around, and leaving scary messages in backwards Latin on her mirrors.
The whole thing is a joke. My advice to Colleen Nestler is, if you really believe David Letterman is fucking with you through your television; quit watching his fucking show, dipshit. If that’s too much for you to wrap your inflatable head around, why don’t you save some time and money and just jump out of a window?