Friday, July 21, 2006

Don't Hassel the Hoff

I ... I just don't know what to say.

Is David Hasselhoff the reason black folks think white folks can’t dance? I mean, I’ve seen meth-addicted Parkinson's disease patients pogo-sticking down steep cobblestone hills with more rhythm than Hasselhoff. There’s so much to make fun of in this video—from the come-hither looks Hasselhoff shoots the camera, to the “special effects” and editing that look like they were done by a guy with cerebral palsy having a seizure—my sense of humor has literally just been overloaded.

I can’t get the song or images out of my head, either. I’d be worried if I weren’t going to be numbing my senses with cheap booze in a few hours. Have a great weekend, all. Cheers.

23 comments:

Willow said...

That was hoffall, absolutely awful - yet hilarious. The guy seems to be unaware of the fact that he's both a moron and a has-been. And dammit Morb! Now I can't get the vocals out of my head! Pass it on and infect someone else so that I don't suffer alone.

badgerbob said...

Great song! Loved the lyrics! All music should be this simple.
It must be tuff for willow, to have that song banging around in that empty head of hers.

It is 116 degrees in my treehouse today.

NewYorkMoments said...

One word: Kevorkian.

Cherry! said...

OMFG!!! I love the gyrating pelvic motion / dance. That is just way to fucked up for words. I love it!!!

neko said...

shame.. give the man some empathy..
at least he's out there trying...

altho what exactly he is trying..? the jury's still out on that one..

Polyman2 said...

I'm glad it finially ended-
I was just up on the chair tying the rope to the beam.
-It is a catchy tune, is this going to be in Rocky Horror 2?
Somebody please throw him under the car.

morbid misanthrope said...

willow -- He may be a moron and a has-been, but at least he has a great head of hair.

badgerbob -- I think I'll stick to death metal.

116 degrees in your treehouse, badgerbob? Did your hotplate start a fire or something?

newyorkmoments -- One t-shirt slogan: Don't Hassel the Hoff. It's nice that the Hoff and Kit are still buddies.

Cherry! -- I'll give him that. He may be completely off count on the beat, but he's certainly trying his best.

neko -- He's just being all the Hoff he can be. Which, as near as I can tell, is what he's been doing for his entire career.

polyman2 -- It's obvious you're a superfan of the Hoff. Perhaps I should post the "Hooked on a Feeling" video.

J Holden said...

he's either the biggest tool in the entire universe....or he actually knows how ridiculous he looks and acts, and does it on purpose simply for his own amusement.

in which case he'd still be a tool, but a self-aware tool (would that actually be better?).

in any case......wow

Cherry! said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love j holden's comment!!

I don't think 'wow' even begins to describe the 'self aware tool'. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

morbid misanthrope said...

j holden -- He knows it's a little funny, but he's also very serious. He still believes he was partially responsible for the destruction of the Berlin wall.

Recently, he was on Jay Leno talking about the "Hooked on a Feeling" video, which is just as ridiculous as the "Jump in My car" video, and he was nearly dead serious. He got emotional and talked about going around the world. It was pretty sad, really.

I doubt very much he is a self-aware tool (great term). I think he's a delusional tool.

cherry! -- Yeah, self-aware tool is a great term. I'll have to remember that.

I actually met the Hoff once. The asshole ran into me and didn't even apologize. I think he was mugging for imaginary paparazzi.

NewYorkMoments said...

I'm not so sure. I think Kit is pissed off because everyone thinks they're gay. I mean, I've seen "The Hoff" put things in Kit's trunk.

Cherry! said...

Are you serious? You actually saw the self aware tool in the flesh? I don't think I'd be able to keep a straight face if I saw him.

morbid misanthrope said...

newyorkmoments -- Can a car and a dude really be gay? The answer: not in this case, because the Hoff's heterosexuality is so overwhelming no one within a two-mile radius of him can be gay. Although I must admit, he has put stuff in KITT's trunk.

cherry! -- I didn't keep a straight face either. I was pissed because he ran right into me, but when I saw who it was, instead of kicking his ass I walked away laughing.

Spleengrrl said...

I wonder if you play "Hooked On a Feeling" in KITT's stereo, would he explode or drive himself off a cliff?

honkeie2 said...

This is soo disturbing I dont even know where to start....Is this for real???? Please tell me this is a MadTV spoof, this cannt be for real. And hell one of those girls looked retarded and crossed lol

morbid misanthrope said...

spleengrrl -- Interesting question. I think playing "Hooked on a Feeling" in KITT would produce a rift in time and space, similar to a wormhole but with cheezier music.

honkeie2 -- Frankly, goofy looking they may be, I still think it's funny that Hasselhoff thinks he has a shot with any of them. No, it's not a Mad TV spoof. When the Hoff makes a video, he's only spoofing himself ... unintentionally.

honkeie2 said...

I had to come back for a second look...it is just like a raod side decapitation....you know its wrong to look, point, laugh and take pics that u will blog about later but then again you are not the only one doing it.

morbid misanthrope said...

honkeie2 -- Exactly. I think the video has some kind of magic powers.

You know, Hasselhoff recently cut his wrist severely in a "shaving accident." I'm guessing he actually entered into a blood pact with Satan.

just thinking said...

B thinks hasselhoff is a LEGEND

;))

BD said...

That made my day (again), today was going so fucking poorly. A little of the Hoff' and I'm going again. I really ought to peel that red reflective sticker off my car now. I don't think people are cool enough to understand. And I should really be polishing up my leather jacket its almost summer...

morbid misanthrope said...

just thinking -- I'd have to agree with him.

bd -- Don't give up the sticker. If people aren't cool enough to get it, that's their problem. Keep it for the Hoff, and rock that jacket like it's the 1980s.

Anonymous said...

Looking for information and found it at this great site... » » »

Anonymous said...

You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it http://www.paxil-6.info Order tv internet