Saturday, September 02, 2006

Deicide's New Logo











Deicide, a band fronted by Glen Benton that has been pissing off Jesus and the Virgin Mary for several years, has finally released their new music video along with their new and spectacular logo. Since this band is so anti-Christian and therefore terribly terrifying, I’ve decided to post their new logo.

A Few Facts About Deicide:

It’s a little known fact that Glen Benton is so Satanic, he actually had Anton Lavey and the devil himself in the form of an anti-Christian mosquito light their collective cock rings on fire to brand an upside-down cross on his forehead. When asked why he went with an upside-down cross instead of 666, Glen Benton said, “Because 666 is for posers. Besides, Crowley couldn’t make it to the forehead branding.”

Glen Benton is a fat, drunken slob with dorky, yet Satanic, facial hair.

The true meaning of 666 for all the true believers in the know, according to Benton, is “69ing with Satan, which makes Satanic sense because the Devil is a double inverted dyslexic.”

The stupid but utterly Satanic BMX “armor” Benton used to wear on stage was actually made from Asian Baphomet plastic crystals mined in South Africa. Thusly, it was ultra blasphemous.

Jack Owen kicks ass.

When Deicide played a show in my hometown a few years back, one of the guitar players—who left the band with his brother recently—was wearing a leather S&M mask with the zipper shut. When asked why he wore that mask on stage he replied, “I’m tired of Benton making me lick the ass of a plastic effigy of Satan before every show. This was my protest. You know, like those guys in China who licked tank treads a few years ago.”

When Deicide played in Las Vegas a few years back, Glen Benton told me candidly that “My wiener is the handle and my ass is the slot machine. I hope Satan pulls my handle and hits the jackpot.”

As Glen Benton gets older, he seems to have a larger and larger bald spot. This, he says, is where Satan and Satan’s pope rest their nuts when they give him lyrics for new Deicide songs.

The song “Dead by Dawn” is about Glen Benton’s ill-fated sea monkeys.

There you have it, Deicide’s new logo and a few little-known facts about the band itself. Don’t forget to buy the band’s new CD, The Stench of Redemption, which got its name from the smell of Benton’s unwashed, Satanic leather pants after Deicide’s last tour.

P.S. "Homage for Satan" is improperly titled. It should be "Homage to Satan." This just goes to show that Satan sucks at speaking English. I think he's too used to speaking backwards Latin. I mean, grow the fuck up already, right?

24 comments:

badgerbob said...

The Sea Monkeys! What a great name for a death metal group.

morbid misanthrope said...

badgerbob -- Actually, the Sea Monkeys are more grindcore than death metal, but who's keeping track, anyway?

Cherry! said...

I'm loving the cock ring thing and the S&M mask.

morbid misanthrope said...

cherry! -- Is it any wonder no one takes devil worship seriously these days?

Cherry! said...

Maybe you could do workshops on this kind of thing. You don't have to worship the devil yourself just tell them how to smarten up their acts so they don't get laughed at. Although hen it would be no fun for people like you and I....

Cherry! said...

hey and what's 'grindcore'? I've never heard of it. Can yo u do a post on the differences between all the different metal types? I'd find this interesting. you can tell me where to go if you like because it's your blog and I wouldn't even be offended.

morbid misanthrope said...

cherry! -- Much like the handicapped, I don't think there's any way to keep Satanists from getting laughed at. Of course, that's coming from a guy who takes very little seriously in the first place.

I'll try to do a full post on different kinds of metal at some point--lots of humor there--but until then, maybe this will clear things up a bit.

Grindcore
Band Examples: Nasum, Regurgitate, Brutal Truth, (old) Carcass, (old) Napalm Death.
Usually super fast and just noisy to the untrained (and sometimes trained) ear. Oftentimes screaming vocals. Songs generally tend to be short. I believe Brutal Truth has a song that's about two seconds long. There's always an exception to the rules, however, and while some people consider bands like Anal Cunt and the Meat Shits grindcore, others might assign them to another genre or subgenre like noisecore. Long story.

Death Metal
Band Examples: Morbid Angel, Death, Myrkskog, Hate, Cannibal Corpse, Vader.
Usually, although not always, fast. More organized than grindcore. Famous for "cookie monster" vocals. Lyrical content can range from horror movies, excessive violence, and sometimes the Satanic. Some bands--like Opeth and Behemoth--blur the lines between death metal, black metal, and other forms of music. Metal scholars, often with at least third-grade educations, still disagree on the classification of some bands.

Black Metal
Band Examples: Marduk, Dissection, Mayhem, Satyricon, Gorgoroth, Emperor.
Usually Scandinavian in origin. Usually high speed; although, some bands play a slower, more basic type of black metal. Vocals are usually higher pitched and scratchy--like the singers have been swallowing broken glass and unchewed tortilla chips. Lyrical content is mostly satanic. Some bands still wear "corpse paint" while others don't and/or never did.

There's a quick rundown for you. There's a lot more to be said, and I hope to get around to it sometime soon.

Polyman2 said...

Would this band be available for my
mom's 85th birthday party?

morbid misanthrope said...

polyman2 -- They had some lineup changes recently, but they should be back to normal by now. I once heard that Deicide will play for monopoly money with crudely drawn devils on it, evil food stamps, or bestial hellfire rogaine. I'm pretty sure they'll just play for the exposure, though, so your mom is going to have one rockin' birthday party.

NewYorkMoments said...

The new logo makes the band look like a bunch of flower children.

morbid misanthrope said...

newyorkmoments -- I certainly hope so. If I simply posted their actual, new logo they wouldn't look nearly as stupid.

Cherry! said...

I think from your descriptions I'd get into Death Metal the most. There's an Australian band called Regurgitator too. But they aren't grindcore.

morbid misanthrope said...

cherry! -- You should check out Blood Duster (www.bloodduster.com), an Australian band that is a little grind, a little death, and a lot of groove. They're hilariously filthy, too.

Cherry! said...

groove? real groove? or in a metal kinda way? I'm googling as I type (yeah I can multitask).

morbid misanthrope said...

cherry! -- Metal groove, I suppose. Particularly on the CD, "Cunt."

Cherry! said...

oooooooooooh!!! Great title!!

neko said...

pretty rainbow...

i never really liked dolphins.. sinister creatures...

in these music genre's, all these bands come across as incredibly pissed the hell off.

as anger stems from fear, i wonder what they could possibly be afraid of.

morbid misanthrope said...

Cherry! -- I know. It's nice to see a band bring a little class back to the metal scene.

neko -- Dolphins can be pretty evil. Sometimes they drown their young for fun and have been known to rape humans.

Not all anger stems from fear. In fact, the people that use that line most often are people scared of getting their asses kicked in the first place. In Deicide's case, however, they're afraid of God and crosseyed puppies.

Anonymous said...

No need to take the Mickey out of Deicide.

Anonymous said...

FUCK U GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deicide is the fucking shit i dnt care wat u say!!!!! and FUCK GOD!!!!!!!!!! CANNIBAL CORPSE IS ONE OF THE SICKEST DEATH METAL BANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deicide Rules said...

For you pissed off Deicide fans, like the one at the bottom of the comments, calm your asses down. Deicide is the greatest band ever and all this crap is obviously fake. We are much stronger then these idiots who make up lies, so don't be offended. Just laugh at their stupidity.

Deicide Rules said...

Oh and by the way, Anton Lavey was an atheistic Satanist anyway, meaning he doesn't actually believe in the deity Satan at all. Look it up.

Deicide Rules said...

Bet I could find even more things in here that aren't logical too, but I don't have time for any more of the idiocy of this crappy article, though it did give me a good laugh at thinking of the stupidity of the person who wrote this article. Now goodbye and don't forget to listen to some Deicide and hail to Satan!!!

Anonymous said...

I HATE IT WHEN DUMB PEOPLE MAKE THESE DUMB THINGS! DEICIDE IS THE BEST BAND EVER!