In the state of California, people will soon have the chance to vote whether or not they want to piss me off. No, this doesn’t refer to the jury of The State of California v Morbid Misanthrope, which, by the way, doesn’t even go to trial until next year. And no matter what the media says, the state of California deserved it.
Regardless of my innocence or so-called guilt, the vote to which I’m referring is the upcoming general election. This election is full of new propositions—much like Rosie O’Donnell’s boxer-briefs are full of critters of indeterminate species—that the dumbass masses get to embrace or reject. While several of the propositions anger me in ways I can’t even begin to describe coherently, the one that’s really proverbially kicking my proverbial bull in the proverbial nuts is proposition 86.
Proposition 86, Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute, is basically ANOTHER tax on cigarettes. Currently, every pack of cigarettes sold in California is taxed 87 cents. The money collected from these excise taxes goes to fund a variety of things I don’t give two shits about: early childhood development programs, tobacco education and disease-research programs, and health-care services for uninsured people, etc. So not only am I paying for my own insurance, but if I want to smoke I’m paying for uninsured fuckers, too. Goddamn socialism. I mean, what the hell is this, Nazi China?
87 cents per pack is bad enough, but proposition 86 would enact a 13-cents-per-cigarette tax in California. And although my math is almost as bad as my language, I can tell with little difficulty that this bullshit proposition will cost smokers an additional $2.60 per pack. That’s like getting prison raped and shanked at the same time while a rabid vampire prison guard drinks the blood.
The reason they want to tax the hell out of cigarettes (and tobacco products) is, again, to give that “extra” money—$2.2 billion annually, for the first year, anyway—to causes I don’t care about. Basically, most of that money will go to hospital corporations and HMOs, not to mention that section 9 of the proposition gives hospitals exemption to antitrust laws.
If the dickasses behind this proposition would just walk up to people, kick them in the nuts, take their wallets, and rape their beloved housecats and other various comically undersized pets, at least everyone would know what they were up to. But proposition 86 is being paraded as a means to keep people (especially those poor, misguided minors) from smoking. Presumably, if cigarettes cost enough to finance a medium-sized expedition to South America to find the lost city of gold, people won’t buy them anymore. Bullshit. I know people who would use their genitals as wolverine bait to get a cigarette. People are going to keep smoking, they’ll just be more pissed off and have another reason to kickstart a politician’s head up his/her ass. And if minors want cigarettes, high prices aren’t going to stop them either.
These assholes are acting like they’re doing smokers a favor by trying to get this proposition passed.
“You poor, poor fools—we’re doing this for your own good. This will help you quit or keep you from starting.”
Wipe the single tear off your face and shut the fuck up. You seeping anal boils know people are going to keep buying smokes, and you’re drooling like retards over all the money you’re going to rake in. Shit, smokers are already killing themselves. Don’t try to bankrupt them, too. If you’re a Californian, go here to learn more about proposition 86.
Why is it whenever more tax money is needed in this state, they tax alcohol and/or tobacco? I have to work three jobs and mortgage my DVD collection just to buy a bottle of rotgut and a pack of smokes. I’m not running for any political office, but if I were my platform would be …
That’s right: tax porn. I knew people that would spend over 40 bucks for a porn tape (tape, not DVD) on a regular basis. Do you really think these wrist-ready perverts, so eager to prime the rhino they’ll pay anything for porn, are going to care or even notice an extra tax on their smut? Probably not, but even if they did, it’s time for the government to tax a vice other than alcohol and tobacco. If they don’t want to pay the porn tax, they can resort to the internet; however, I can’t have a virtual drink or smoke. Besides, isn’t it time these porn-buying self-manipulators actually get fucked by someone else?