Friday, April 06, 2007
Kick-Ass Friday Video: "The Chondrin Enigma" by Aborted
Much like a Planned Parenthood employee, I like everything aborted. Aborted’s new CD, Slaughter and Apparatus: A Methodical Overture, is a heaping pile of puke- and puss-covered viscera. Since Aborted is a gore-grind/death metal band, I have to assume that's what they were going for. I’ve been listening to this CD nonstop since it came out (actually, this CD with brief interludes of War of Attrition by Dying Fetus). This CD is as brutal as a rabid ape cannibalizing himself while sexually assaulting his mother. That’s pretty brutal, yet not the absolute peak of brutality. Higher levels of brutality usually include a T-Rex slamming a mad-cow crazed bull’s nuts in a metal slaughterhouse door as Thor annihilates Loki’s colon with Mjolnir.
This CD is pretty awesome. So awesome, in fact, I have come to the conclusion that if you’re not rocking out to it, you probably have several vaginas (or some kind of strange multiple buttgina). If this band is too manly for you, you can work up to being cool enough to enjoy it by kicking orphans in the teeth and dissecting neighborhood pets.
If you’d rather keep up on your current events, Max Bojo has a new article here.
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9 comments:
An even higher level of brutality, is not being able to access your own blog. Again!
Morbid, what happened to Journey?
I was going to say I paused my Beach Boys playlist, which I have called BD's Best of The Beach Boys no less, for that abortion of a track. However, I sense that would have no impact.
I hate to question the science of these things but I think, if you crushed a person, even a ugly skinny person in a tube with an unsealed plunger type device there would be a little squirtage on the glass. Like what hits the windscreen after the radiator fan gorges on a small animal of some sorts. After having to clean out the trails of things from my radiator, the cleaning process alone of that tube would be such that I don't feel to get such a small jar of product I'd be giving it away to scum.
Fuck it, back to the Beach Boys...
Very catchy.
It brought to mind the time I was moshing with some friends at a club. I was having a great time until some bitch took my picture and posted it on the internet. Then everybody photoshopped the shit out of it and now bam, I'm a total cliche! Mosh girl my anus! I now listen to REO Speedwagon.
badgerbob -- That is pretty brutal. I never even thought of that before. I better go inform the death metal community we have a new reading to add to our brutality scale.
bd -- On the brutality scale, Journey only comes in around “picking your nose after handling hot peppers”; however, on the optimistic whimsical fantasy scale, Journey ranks a high “wizard-king riding a unicorn tiger through an outerspace candybar jungle where the stars are pots of Viking- leprechaun gold.”
While you're correct to point out the scientific inaccuracies of Aborted's video, they are there for a reason. Much like Journey rates low in brutality but high in fantasy, Aborted rates high in brutality but low in fantasy. In fact, the only thing fanciful about Aborted is their use of unlikely or unrealistic “medical” situations in their videos (and their Belgian names, of course). That is why they rate “Dio brushing his teeth with sugar” on the Whimsical Fantasy Scale. Also, visual metaphors don't have to be scientifically accurate in death metal videos as long as all the band members are wearing black shirts.
As for the Beach Boys, I'm waiting for one of them to get skin cancer ... it's bound to happen.
evil pru -- Your situation is unfortunate. I'm surprised you didn't shank the bitch that took your photo in the pit. I usually pit-shank people with old hypodermic needles or sharpened pregnancy testers. They're not the most durable shivs, but the germ factor makes up for it.
That is a fucking awesome video. The song is a bit, bleh. Your ideas of brutality are funny.
dan -- That video makes me want to stomp on puppies in a large vat and make wine with the juices that flow out.
I would love to have a couple of vaginas as I listen and rock out to aborted.
Cna I get some man meat in a jar ass well?
honkeie2 -- I've also discovered it kicks ass to walk out to Aborted. Walking for your health is retarded, but listening to Aborted while you walk around kind of helps. So does kicking yippy dogs you encounter.
It was more like man gelatin, really. Let's see Bill Cosby advertise that product with a smile.
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