Monday, May 28, 2007

The Hallmark Discount Bin


Click to see inside of card

Click to see inside of card

18 comments:

neko said...

i dont get it..

but, then again, i dont get a lot of things.

morbid misanthrope said...

neko -- That's probably why they were in the discount bin.

neko said...

that's what i figured..

until i realized that they are both obscure references to spongebob..

jungle jane said...

i would be SOOOOOOOOO pissed off it i got a Pineapple card at Xmas...just warning you, like...

morbid misanthrope said...

neko -- Spongebob? Well, the pineapple could be a Spongebob reference, I guess. When something is abstract or absurd, its meaning is really left up to the viewer to interpret--even if the creator just wanted to make fun of the concepts themselves. Back in college, for a short time I was involved with a DevilBob SatanPants cult. This pineapple nonsense must be carry over or something.

jungle jane -- What about a watermelon card on your birthday? I've always been told it's the thought that counts, which is especially true with these cards.

NewYorkMoments said...

Cards are pointless.

morbid misanthrope said...

newyorkmoments -- Sometimes they're full of wisdom and teach us important life lessons that sitcoms from the 80s-90s missed. Other times, they're full of money.

One Wink at a Time said...

I dunno, I kinda liked the abstract one... Cards are fun sometimes.
My favorite card has a cartoon picture of a game show panel and host. Under the picture it says Game Shows for Old People. In the picture one woman is saying "I'd like to buy a bowel."
Not exactly a Hallmark moment, but it made me laugh.

Prunella Jones said...

I must admit I was puzzled at first. I thought maybe you were making an obscure refrence to the first Viking settlement in Greenland in 1165. The Norse people had a tradition of giving each other pictures of fruit on special occasions. But this was a mistake as they had nothing to eat except fish, moss, and a beer made out of fish heads and moss scrapings known as Blech. The pictures of fruit that they would never eat caused much dissaffection and turmoil resulting in the settlers hacking each other to death. I thought, "what a strange thing to allude to!" But given that your name is Morbid Misanthrope it makes perfect sense. Although I prefer the Spongebob idea. I love his pineapple house.

BD said...

Solar...

morbid misanthrope said...

one wink at a time -- I like any cards that make sounds when you open them; even though a card that made a Choo-Choo noise scared my grandmother to death a few years back.

prunella jones -- Very interesting. You know, even though I listen to a wide variety of viking metal, I had never heard any of that particular Greenland history. I shall have to consult the lyrics of the latest Amon Amarth CD.

I like Spongebob quite a bit. Here's a little information about me: All I wear, all the time, are bright, neon Spongebob Squarepants outfits. I also carry a Spongebob pillow with me everywhere I go. I used to leave it at home, but when I'm not around, he tends to light things on fire.

bd -- 太陽の

jungle jane said...

cards are great. i can usually get about 60 spliff roaches out of one birthday card...

Captain Smack said...

The second one reminds me of this joke:

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: A bathtub filled with shiny, metal bolts.

HAHAHAHAhahahahah haha haha... haha...
ha...
heh... heh...
heh...
ahem.

*cough*

sorry...

If you could work in a reference to The Fonz somehow, then I would buy it. I think all greeting cards should have a reference to The Fonz. Or, at the very least, Potsy.

morbid misanthrope said...

jungle jane -- That reminds me of a card given to me at my last intervention. It had a picture of a skateboarding turtle with a Band-Aid on its knee and a tear in its eye, and it said "Winners don't use drugs. Kick your habit, not happy skating turtles."

captain smack -- That's a great joke. In fact, for extra credit in one of my college art classes, I dressed up as a microwave and recited that joke in pig latin. I did so well, the teacher somersaulted into a dripping clock.

The abstract card reminds me of this joke:

Two crocodiles were flying. One was green, the other was also going to Africa.

Okay, here's the abstract birthday card with the Fonz reference you suggested:

FRONT
This is an abstract birthday card.

INSIDE
Aaaaay! Pineapple!

NewYorkMoments said...

Money isn't pointless.

morbid misanthrope said...

newyorkmoments -- No, it's not pointless. Unless we're talking about Pesos.

honkeie2 said...

I think I will come back after I drink the bong water and shove a pineapple up hitlers ass.

morbid misanthrope said...

honkeie2 -- Well, there's an interesting use for a pineapple.