I got an email the other day asking me to do a short online survey about my video renting habits. I rent videos often because I hate movie theaters, so I figured I'd do the survey. Why the fuck not? I may have mentioned it before, but renting videos is a pain the ass because every asshole and his girlfriend are usually in the store, unknowingly doing everything in their power to piss me off. Well, near the end of the survey I was given a suggestion box to tell Blockbuster what they could do to make my video renting experience more enjoyable. At first I was just going to skip it; instead I ranted like a maniac. It's amazing what comes out of my head when I get pissed off. I wrote 308 words (in under one minute) about the shitheads that frequent Blockbuster. Here are my suggestions to Blockbuster Video:
My only gripe with Blockbuster is the other customers. You got "Mr. I'm so important I have to be on my cell phone at all times" taking up the isle, blocking the movies, and giving me a headache with his incessant, saliva-shooting, loud-mouth. Then you have Pedro and his 20 refugee children running around like lunatics holding up the check out line while the employee tries over and over again to explain why they can't pay for their Spanish language version of the Little Mermaid with Pesos. Plus, none of the other customers can understand the concept of a line, and they just stand around in some kind of dumbassed stupor like wild turkeys drowning in the rain. Hell, before I even walk in the door, some kid dressed like whichever rapper is popular that day is standing outside hassling me to give him money to buy new outfits for his school basketball team through ebonics so thick it's no longer English. When I refused I swear he threatened me but I couldn't understand a word he said - it was like he had a broken jaw and a mouth full of crap. My only real complaint with Blockbuster itself is they won't let this guy wash car windows in front of the store. He's the nicest guy in the world and he just wants to make a few bucks. But no, they make him leave probably because some stupid soccer mom with an ass so fat it rivals the width of her minivan was bothered by his harmless presence. My suggestion to Blockbuster would be, keep all the stupid people out of the store. Of course, that will never happen so I would also suggest they don't chase away the nice, yet down on his luck, window washing guy trying to make money so he can eat.
There you have it. There are so many run-on sentences, my College English teacher would puke if she read it. Bad grammar aside; take that Blockbuster! I'd like to see the look on the marketing guy's face when he reads my suggestions. After looking through boring research information day after day, maybe he'll appreciate my colorful response.
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11 comments:
Excellent rant Mr.morbid.
Movie theaters suck because there are too many inconsiderate bastards in the audience.
Blockbuster sucks for the exact reasons you mentioned, plus the service is lousy.
The movies hit sat.tv. so fast , I usually wait to see them.
badgerbob - Fuckin' A right. To go to a movie you have to pay ten bucks just to sit next to some smelly asshole who ate a bowl of onions for lunch on one side, and some dipshit screaming into his cell phone on the other side. Plus those fucking teenagers are always shining a damn laser pointer at the screen. Sure, you can kick their asses, but then you miss the movie anyway. Then some waterhead spills her slurpee on your good jeans (I'll never stop being pissed about that).
And Blockbuster, holy shit. I have to constantly remind the people that work there how to do their jobs. I'd get better service if I operated the register myself. I'd just rent the movies on digital cable, but I didn't want to wait the extra two weeks to see The Ring 2...I'm such a sucker.
WTF are you saying about my brother Pedro and his 20 kids?
Due to your rant, we have taken a closer look at our store policy and we have instituted some changes.
We will now allow that nice guy to wash cars in front of Blockbuster but you're fucking banned!
pissed off blockbuster marketing guy - I think your brother's kids stole my hubcaps.
This wouldn't be the first time I've been banned. I'll just grow a mustache and you'll never know it's me in the store. Also, I peed in your office.
Your blockbuster sound a lot like mine. That's why I started buying movies on DirectTV.
I do have a complaint with Blockbuster. I've went in there several times and they have been out of a movie. Their policy is that they will call when it comes in and I will get it free.
Do they call?
Do I get it free?
NO!
Fuckers!
Now, I rearrange all the cases every time I'm in there. 9 &1/2 Weeks was put in the kiddie section.
drunkbh - I'd rearrange the videos at the blockbuster I go to but I'd probably be doing those morons a favor since all the videos are in the wrong place already. Also, it seems like every time I go in that place they're playing a Hilary Duff song. Like going there isn't irritating enough without that shit.
I hope they send me a survey.
viczilla - I've stood up for myself plenty of times. Of course, I'm a little too mature to randomly assault people these days. I could get away with that shit when I was a teenager, but as an adult, I try to avoid lawsuits. You're a tool. That is all.
viczilla - Whatever queer. I'd kick your ass so hard, your mother would shit out her ovaries.
osamahatesu - Don't you have anything better to do? Like have sex with a camel or pick ticks out of your beard?
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