Wednesday, October 19, 2005

International Cursing!

I’ve watched a number of Japanese horror movies over the past few months. These movies are usually pretty gruesome, often with sick and twisted endings, and full of graphic violence and language. Since I am prone to immature Beavis and Butthead like fits of laughter brought on by filthy language, I decided to go online and look for some more Japanese insults, swear words, and phrases.

Below are a few of the more interesting phrases I found. Some of them are pretty funny too. Some of the following phrases are so humorous – to me anyway – they’re less insulting and more entertaining. Feel free to look at this list not as more senseless filth on the internet, but as an exercise in ethnic and cultural diversity.

Note: I don’t speak Japanese at all so don’t give me a hard time if any of the words are wrong. I got them off the internet and have no real way of knowing if they are accurate or not.

Mattsu! – Oh crap!
As in, “Oh crap! I just found out all that soft roe I was eating was fish sperm!”

Hara guzuchi o tataku na – Shut the fuck up
Very important to know when you’re in a Japanese karaoke bar and some drunkass businessmen start singing the Spice Girls’ greatest hits or that fucking Chumbawamba song.

Kisama – Lord of the donkeys
I’m not sure if that’s really an insult. I mean, lord of the donkeys is a more impressive title than the one I have at work.

Kisama Tama – Lord of donkey’s balls
I’d be amazed if someone was capable of using this insult in anger, with a straight face. I know I couldn’t.

Issunboshi – One inch boy (refers to penis size)
There are a lot of small penis insults out there, and this is by far the least threatening.

Chinkasu – Dick cheese
An oldie but a goodie.

Benjo Mushi! - Shithouse insect!
Filthy, poo - bug is a pretty good insult as far as I’m concerned.

Anatano ohkaasan wa kuso desu! - Your mother is shit!
This insult sort of bypasses that whole clichéd “your mamma is so fat” stage. Saying this to someone is kind of like asking to be punched in the face.

Curry aji no unko ka unko aji no curry ka docchi ga ii? - Which is better, curry-flavored shit, or shit-flavored curry?
A question for the ages, really. Although, I think most people prefer curry flavored curry.

Anata no ketsu wa kusa da oyobi ore wa shibakariki da! - Your ass is grass, and I'm the lawnmower!
This could well be the world’s coolest threat. It’s only cool, of course, if after you say it to someone, you beat their ass royally. Otherwise, you’re going to look like a tool.


Victor said...

LMFAO ah omg im soo going to use a few of those at work. Next time someone starts bitching about cd rates, ill tell them to shut the fuck up lol

And yeah jap movies and even cartoon are straight up GORE! i love them. I remember watching jap anime a few years back, just because it would show people getting cut up left and right.

badgerbob said...

I may use a few of these to insult my readers.

morbid misanthrope said...

viczilla - Did you ever see that anime series "Berserk?" That series went absolutely bat-shit crazy near the end. Anime gore is great because it's so ridiculously exaggerated.

morbid misanthrope said...

badgerbob - Good idea.

drunkbh said...

These are great. I like Kisama Tama – Lord of donkey’s balls. It's easy to remember and a little strange at the same time. Vic should expect to hear Kisama Tama all day tomorrow.

Willow said...

Unlike your other commenters, I'm not prone to using profanity and it's only on a rare occassion that I would even think of uttering a curse word. Saying them in Japanese sure doesn't feel like I'm doing anything bad!

morbid misanthrope said...

drunkbh - It would be funny to get kisama tama printed in Japanese on a t-shirt. You would always know who spoke/read Japanese because they'd be the people pointing and laughing.

willow - Profanity is a good thing. I'm glad swearing in Japanese - as opposed to swearing in English - is enough to placate your conscience. Although, I think I may be a bad influence on you. By the way, have you ever considered taking up smoking?

Willow said...

Yeah, I lied. I love profanity and find myself screaming it out the window to passers-by. The look on their face just makes my day. I quit smoking a few years ago and it was the hardest thing that I had ever done. Valium 3 times a day for 5 days helped make it a success.

morbid misanthrope said...

willow - Screaming profanity is even better than saying it in your indoor voice. Valium three times a day, huh? Just how the hell did you smoke the valium?

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