Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Morbid Misanthrope Buys an MP3 Player
























































37 comments:

BD said...

Work was busy today?

just thinking said...

*snicker*

morbid misanthrope said...

bd -- Work never stops. I just take short breaks to make shitty comics late at night.

just thinking -- Are you laughing at the voices, too? I thought I was the only one who could hear them. Sometimes they're kind of funny, but their "your momma" jokes are getting really tired.

BD said...

It doesn't seem right, that you, of all people would have ethnic inner voices...

jungle jane said...

Fuck. I knew my batch of acid was kind of bad but i didn't expect to step in hell...

Prunella Jones said...

Your voices tell you jokes? Lucky! Mine keep screaming that I am doomed to burn forever in the firey depths of hell. And just the other day they commanded me to spend $87 on worthless junk at Target. Wanna trade?

morbid misanthrope said...

bd -- Well, I'm beginning to doubt that they're inner voices, because they've started moving things around my house and have been partially eating neighborhood pets. Also, I don't think they're ethnic; although, one of them might be Russian. He claims to have a mustache just like Nietzsche's.

jungle jane -- Oh, so you're not dead after all; just in hell, apparently. Speaking of hell, say hello to Nietzsche for me, and tell him one of the "voices" plaguing me has a mustache just like he did when he looked kind of like Jamie from TV's Mythbusters.

prunella jones -- Well, I've sort of just assumed they're telling jokes. I don't really know what else, soundwise, to compare it to. Their collective voices sound kind of like a mix of dogs barking, Dario Argento's Suspiria playing backwards, a million locust wings flapping, and an echo-heavy tape of Maori warrior scream chants. They won't let me shop at Target. They say I need to boycott the place because they wouldn't let the Salvation Army Santas hang around at Christmas time.

Captain Smack said...

I don't know who the little fellow was, but i dig where he's coming from.

morbid misanthrope said...

captain smack -- That little guy is pretty cool. His OLEDs are so bright, I used them to kill a rabid pitbull while I was out walking the other day. Let's see an iPOD do that.

neko said...

blue is pretty..

the voices in my head are all laughing at me..

with different accents...

i dont know what to make of that.

Prunella Jones said...

Well Neko, Sylvia Browne told me the other day thru the TV set that my voices are nothing more than my dead relatives trying to let me know that they made it to the other side. Perhaps you hear laughing because heaven is a funny place? I hear quite a bit of barking and cursing but that may be because tourette's syndrome runs in my family. Arf, arf, shit!

morbid misanthrope said...

neko -- If your voices have different accents, that probably means you're multicultural or something. Or, as in my case, all your voices have accents because they're aspiring actors practicing their craft.

prunella jones -- Interestingly, heaven is flammable. Now, you'd think because of that they'd have a no-smoking policy there. Nope. Smoking is allowed. You can smoke as long as you use the ashtrays instead of just throwing cigarette butts all over the place. Everyone's on the honor system; it's not like they have guards everywhere enforcing the rules, you see. Crazy.

BD said...

Well my monologue, since I am described as the kind of individual who only hears themselves wonders how things would be if everyone spoke in the same way, viz. there was no accents...

morbid misanthrope said...

bd -- If you wonder what it's like when everyone speaks the same way, you ought to visit California. Everyone here, pretty much, speaks Spanish.

badgerbob said...

Olla, senor morbeed.

neko said...

Spanish?? In California???

Maybe it's just the help .. er, i mean, people you hang with?

Isn't Hollywood in California?

How much will an MP3 player set you back in the US? Here, an ipod is about R1500. Which translates to roughly $210.

That's a lot of cash for a device which does what any radio could do...

Prunella Jones said...

Heaven is flammable? Are you sure? Well if that's true it's good news indeed. I had a vision the other day of my Uncle Frank surrounded by flames, screaming , "I'm burning!" I was worried about the state of his soul, but now with this new info I feel better. He probably just threw some gas on his bar-b-que grill again. Ha ha, good old Frank. Thank goodness you can't die twice!

morbid misanthrope said...

badgerbob -- While your Spanish is impeccable, I refuse to answer in the same language. You see, ever since those reconquista motherfuckers took back my front lawn for Mexico, morbid misanthrope/Mexican relations have been pretty strained to say the least.

Apparently my dining room is part of Aztlan, and it is very difficult to hold off the hordes of illegal aliens trying to reclaim my dinner table. Weapons usually scare off the Mexicans, it's the ACLU lawyers that make things difficult.

neko -- You see, California is so rife with illegal immigrants, there are actually towns where no one speaks English. There's one such town near the famous Orange County, CA. Hell, there are more Mexicans in Hollywood than there are in Mexico.

Thankfully, both major parties of our government are eager to solve the illegal immigration problem. For example, to stop illegal immigrants from coming here, the government offers illegals free health care, free education (from pre-school through college), welfare, etc. They are also exempt from everyone-must-have-auto-insurance laws. We can't deport them for coming here illegally, we can't deport them when they break the law, we won't build a fence to keep them out, we don't try to stop them from voting illegally in our elections, we rarely fine businesses for hiring illegals, we arrest and imprison our law enforcement and border patrol agents for doing their job and stopping illegal aliens that are often drug smugglers, we *HEAD EXPLODES*

Anyway, I think most iPODs are about the same price here. As you can see, however, I hate iPODs and anything MAC-related. The lovely 1 GB mobiblu mp3 player featured destroying the iPOD in the comic strip was only fifty-five bucks from amazon.com. It is a radio and voice recorder as well as an mp3 player (the music I listen to is never on the radio, though). It is my first mp3 player because I am a late adopter. I still prefer CDs, but when I go for walks and have to fend off waves of rival ninjas, angry dogs, killer bees, and shovel-swinging migrant workers, that little mp3 player gets in the way less than my old portable CD player. I'm just being practical.

prunella jones -- Your uncle was probably just grilling some angelfish in heaven when things got a little out of control. Hopefully the flames didn't spread too quickly; heaven's volunteer fire fighters are usually bored old people who got tired of playing heavenly shuffleboard and needed something to do (same goes for heaven's volunteer police).

Fires tend to get out of control quite often because of this, but it's still better than hell. In hell, no one volunteers for anything because it’s too hot. Contrary to popular belief, there is no fire in hell; it’s just really, really hot. And it’s a dry heat. While smoking is allowed there, no one wants to because it really sucks smoking in such hot weather.

You can die more than once, by the way. It’s just less and less satisfying every time. Then, before you know it, it becomes so routine as eternity drags on, you stop noticing it altogether.

BD said...

So all along this was look at Morbid post, he's so cool he fight ninjas and can't let his CD player get in the way, not the compelling anti-Mac post I thought it was. Fuck, what a let down, Morbid and his defending himself from ninjas comes before boycotting that white piece of shit/piss whatever is fractionally more effective at present.

Although a CD player could be a handy weapon, for psuedo slicing and the like.

En garde(!), I don't the spanish for it, wasted joke, sigh...

morbid misanthrope said...

bd -- Oh, it was an anti-mac post, alright. The whole CD player getting in the way of my ninja fighting was merely the reason I decided to buy an mp3 player. I decided to buy a mobiblu because it kicks ass and is not an iPOD.

The CD player could be an effective weapon, but even with Sony's patented G-Shock Protection the damn thing skips when used to wallop a ninja.

Spanish for En Garde: Ke pasa, gringo?

honkeie2 said...

its peanut butter and jelly time! I have yet to get any mp3 player,i am just that kool.

morbid misanthrope said...

honkeie2 -- Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat? No mp3 player = rebel. You win this round....

BD said...

You better get the sheild...

Ke pasa!

morbid misanthrope said...

bd -- Luckily for me, it came with the shield. It doesn't have that fruity-looking clover cutout; my shield has a plain round cutout for the controls. Nothing too fancy, you know. I'm such a risk taker I never use it. I like to live life on the edge.

honkeie2 said...

This thing looks like that evil cube colored device that came from the devil. It came out in the 80's and was cover in different colored stickers.

BD said...

The devil makes all things round. Soft and cuddly, its a con...

neko said...

god and the devil are two schitzo's.

that's why the earth is so screwed up.

maybe il get an mp3 player one day too...

morbid misanthrope said...

honkeie2 -- I don't know that the Rubik's Cube came from the devil. I thought it came from the Russians--or was it just an abstract, cubist version of a Twister mat?

bd -- Very true. The devil has officially taken credit for the invention of Rosie O'Donnell's haunches and those little balls of cotton that come in pill bottles.

neko -- I thought the earth was screwed up because people are morons. It may also have something to do with sea urchins. I hate those damn things.

Perhaps you will get an mp3 player. But if you get an iPOD, Bill Gates will drink the blood of three kittens and crush an infant with an xbox.

Prunella Jones said...

Wow Morbid, I am so impressed with this thread. We have already discussed music listening devices, our collective schitzophrenia, the afterlife, illegal immigrants in California, and Rubik's cubes. I don't think you need to bother making any new posts. Let's just continue this one. What shall we debate next? The existance of a divine power? Our favorite Roman numeral? (I'm partial to XII) Or why The Misfits were so much better with Danzig in the group but he sucks without them? What do you say?

morbid misanthrope said...

prunella jones -- I'm impressed as well. Hopefully the activity in the comments section of this post will distract people from the fact that I haven't posted anything new in, like, a week. (Although, I may not even need to post anything new according to you.)

I am planning on posting something new, but between stockpiling weapons, going in and out of diabetic comas, truffle hunting, and antiquing, I don't have a lot of time for blogging.

Oh, please. The common misconception about the Misfits is that they were better with Danzig, when, in reality, the Misfits always sucked. Much like Dave Mustaine is better off without Metallica, Danzig is better off without the Misfits. If I wanted to listen to lo-fi recordings of 1950s music, I'd play the oldies station on my radio under a bucket.

NewYorkMoments said...

Oh my God. I hate bumper stickers. They're so Midwest.

I think that's why I left.

morbid misanthrope said...

newyorkmoments -- You could put that on a bumper sticker. That sticker would be ironic chic.

NewYorkMoments said...

Want to go 50/50? Or maybe that could be a new blog. "Ironic Chic-Everything That's SO Midwest and Other Reasons I Left."

Maybe I should just drink more.

morbid misanthrope said...

newyorkmoments -- I suggest you drink more and then start that blog. Perhaps a drunken treatise on the Midwestern fascination with fried cheese is in order.

neko said...

a post script --

ive decided against an mp3 player. got a walkman cellphone (mobile phone in the US, i spose) instead.

sweet.

morbid misanthrope said...

neko -- Congratulations on the purchase. I almost got a cell phone instead of the mp3 player, but I couldn't bring myself to replace Skippy, my carrier pigeon.

Anonymous said...

What magnificent words