Friday, November 18, 2005

Finally Some Art that Doesn’t Suck

This blogger often does a great job pointing out art that sucks, which is why I’ve decided to mention a piece of art that doesn’t suck. This painting was created by the German painter Cornelius Quabeck. This masterpiece measures 160x100 cm and is coal and cloth paint on coarse cotton. And while it would have been more badass if Cornelius would have painted it with blood, he still gets credit for making a painting of Kerry King that actually looks like Kerry King; none of that postmodern art bullshit.

The painting, simply titled “Kerry,” was displayed at this year’s Art Forum Berlin; some fancy-pants art show that probably sucks. Undoubtedly, “Kerry” was the best thing there. This kick ass painting probably scared a bunch of stupid, pretentious art-snobs so much they dropped their cheese into their wine. Slayer kicks ass.


badgerbob said...

Holy Shit! That guy is on my hockey team. His real name is Jeff. I knew he played in a band, but famous? Geez Louise!

morbid misanthrope said...

badgerbob - It's interesting that you know a guy named Jeff who looks like Kerry King, because the other guitar player in Slayer is Jeff Hanneman...Maybe on off days they switch names to confuse their insane, drug addled fans.

See if you can get Kerry King - or Jeff as you know him - to give me an autograph. Last time I met him, he signed the autograph to "Sordid Cantaloupe" instead of Morbid Misanthrope.

badgerbob said...

I play on sunday night, and will check it out.

morbid misanthrope said...

badgerbob - Slayer is cool.

J Holden said...

dude, that's awesome

i recently went to a Picasso exhibit - most of it was boring as all hell, but there were a few that were intriguing

he did a lot of like etchings, or pencil drawings or something

basically black marks on beige paper and most of them were very dark and interesting

anyway, he used a Minataur in a lot of them - pretty cool

morbid misanthrope said...

j holden - Minotaurs kick ass.

I will admit that some of Picasso's stuff is interesting. Hell, I like "Guernica" simply because it was mentioned on the cartoon "The Critic."

Mainly I prefer older art, from back when artists had skill. I like Rembrandt and Jan Van Eyck (especially Van Eyck's "The Arnolfini Marriage"). I have seen some of Renoir's work in person, and while it was a little sissy for me, it was still kind of cool.

However, I loathe most postmodern art (excluding photorealism, especially Chuck Close). "Look at me. I'm a douche bag who filled a room in New York with dirt. I'm an artist." And I'm still bitter about being forced to study "cunt art" in college.

J Holden said...

morbid - yes, Minotaurs DO kick ass

and yea - actually quite a lot of the Picasso stuff was pretty cool

but i agree, sooo many "artists" just like put blobs of paint on a canvas and they're "brilliant"

um, yea

morbid misanthrope said...

j holden - I'm way more of a drunk than that dick Jackson Pollock. Why the hell am I not famous?

Victor said...

Its all about publicity morbid. Either that or you need to punch someone famous as you ask for their autograph lol

Hulabelly said...

I may be able to help you become famous Morbid, but not in a legal sense..

Arnolfini portrait! I had an art history class where we dissected the heck out of that painting. Verrry interesting.

morbid misanthrope said...

rude - It's the damndest thing: you'd think I would have gotten some publicity when I killed Pope John Paul II, but no, natural causes offed him. Infallible my ass!

I've punched a bunch of famous people. Everyone from David Hasselhoff to the singer from Korn, but it never does me any good. I bet if I punched Madonna I'd get on the news. Without her two front teeth she'd have no gap and therefore, no magical powers.

morbid misanthrope said...

hulabelly - I don't really want to be famous so much as I want to be rich. My bar tab is getting quite high - astronomical even - and I probably need to get rich to pay it off.

"The Arnolfini Marriage" is a fine, clever piece of art that helped me get through my modern and postmodern art classes. While the feminist bitch of a teacher was showing the class slides of trashcans full of used tampons and calling it art, I was looking at "The Arnolfini Marriage" in my three-thousand page art book to remind me what real art is. One day I will punch Judy Chicago.

And what the fuck is up with "found art?" Jasper Johns is a dick. Goddamnit I hate modern and postmodern art! Excluding photorealism, of course.

Willow said...

Nice art find, although anything with the name Kerry is a turn off since that dumbass Kerry ran for President.

Most of the art hailed by the art world is crap, except for my work. After reading your post, I realized that the only two mediums that I hadn't experimented in was lipstick and blood. Now I'll just have to wait for inspiration to stike.

morbid misanthrope said...

willow - Yeah, John Kerry ruined it for everyone. What a butt munch. But Kerry King is sweet.

If you need some blood for your artwork, let me know. My blood is cheap...and flammable. I even have some blood art I could sell you to pass off as your own. Lipstick, however, I can't help you with. The only lipstick I have is on my knuckles from when I punched that hooker.

Hulabelly said...

Oh well.. rich is something else entirely.. hmm. only illegal ways are pooping up in my head ..

Jasper Johns annoys me as well.. My favorite is daVinci, which may be a trite answer, but it's true.. also egyptian art is pretty fantastic.

morbid misanthrope said...

hulabelly - Egyptian art does kick ass. Especially all the art that proves Egypt was founded by survivors that escaped the great cataclysm that destroyed Atlantis. What do you mean "they've never found any definitive proof"? Sure they have; it's just in code. You have to be a bit loopy to understand it.

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